the little things that aren't so little.....

It has obviously been WAY too long since I sat down and wrote out my heart and what God has been teaching me....not because of having nothing to say, for those of you who know me in person, know that is far from the truth :) I love to talk and visit...but as for blogging, truly taking the time to think through my thoughts and then get them in word form, has proven to be an accomplishment....so again, I will use this blog as a journal of what this mommy heart experiences because of..."our gift from God named Ezra."

He truly IS a gift. This truth rang true again recently through the meeting of a new friend, that I may never meet in person, but forever we have something in common. Having to hear words come from the mouth of a doctor that make your insides ache, you actually feel that your heart may have stopped...words that report on the function of your child's brain. Words that tell you that your life and his will NEVER be the same, nothing can prepare you for having this "meeting" with the docs, reality setting in of how this is not exactly how you played make believe "house" growing up, your pretend children never had a wheelchair, it was never part of my make believe play. This new friend is a new mommy to three blessings...one of which the Lord took home sooner then they would have chosen, due to a brain that was injured...this blessing lived only weeks, yet my blessing will soon enjoy the sweet song of Happy Birthday, his fourth time. Why did Ezra live and he did not? God certainly has HIS ways that are higher then ours and with purpose, but I still wonder...my heart was heavy and still is for this new friend, this mom who continues on in the strength of the Lord, I am glad for a Rock unmoving. I have come to the conclusion, that yet again, God has chosen this path of life, caring for and raising a son that is in every way dependant upon his parents and family, because He wants to teach me...so when I re-visit those first days and the waves of emotion rush over me, thinking back to such uncertain possibilities of what Ezra's life would be like, I smile at where we are today...do I want some things different, well, of course, but I am peaceful with where Ezzy is in his development...it still makes my heart drop when someone uses some words so carelessly, but then again, the world of handicap is not their world, if they ever entered in, they would never be the same, I can guarantee.

As far as titling this post, let me explain...enjoying a smile from my son is not a common occurrence, he sorta kinda smiles, his lip curls in such a way and I know that he is happy, but to others it doesn't look like much. But let me tell you of an amazing GIFT God chose to give me through my son...I saw connection, I saw PURPOSE in a smile he gave me on Monday. It took my breath away...when arriving at therapy, a place he usually enjoys due to therapists who adore him, he gave me a HUGE smile, teeth showing and all and then again, when we were leaving, he SMILED a huge smile again, it was amazing, I tickled him and he totally responded with a SMILE, certainly was in relation to me playing with him...it was a gift, it was a miracle, a boy who would be a "nothing" to the doctors, is a SOMETHING in my eyes. He is special and I KNOW God is not done with him....this was a boost to my mommy heart, who struggles from time to time wondering how much my son understands.

This was an early Christmas gift and I definitely won't need a gift receipt for this one, nope, this gift is forever in my heart.