the little things that aren't so little.....

It has obviously been WAY too long since I sat down and wrote out my heart and what God has been teaching me....not because of having nothing to say, for those of you who know me in person, know that is far from the truth :) I love to talk and visit...but as for blogging, truly taking the time to think through my thoughts and then get them in word form, has proven to be an accomplishment....so again, I will use this blog as a journal of what this mommy heart experiences because of..."our gift from God named Ezra."

He truly IS a gift. This truth rang true again recently through the meeting of a new friend, that I may never meet in person, but forever we have something in common. Having to hear words come from the mouth of a doctor that make your insides ache, you actually feel that your heart may have stopped...words that report on the function of your child's brain. Words that tell you that your life and his will NEVER be the same, nothing can prepare you for having this "meeting" with the docs, reality setting in of how this is not exactly how you played make believe "house" growing up, your pretend children never had a wheelchair, it was never part of my make believe play. This new friend is a new mommy to three blessings...one of which the Lord took home sooner then they would have chosen, due to a brain that was injured...this blessing lived only weeks, yet my blessing will soon enjoy the sweet song of Happy Birthday, his fourth time. Why did Ezra live and he did not? God certainly has HIS ways that are higher then ours and with purpose, but I still wonder...my heart was heavy and still is for this new friend, this mom who continues on in the strength of the Lord, I am glad for a Rock unmoving. I have come to the conclusion, that yet again, God has chosen this path of life, caring for and raising a son that is in every way dependant upon his parents and family, because He wants to teach me...so when I re-visit those first days and the waves of emotion rush over me, thinking back to such uncertain possibilities of what Ezra's life would be like, I smile at where we are today...do I want some things different, well, of course, but I am peaceful with where Ezzy is in his development...it still makes my heart drop when someone uses some words so carelessly, but then again, the world of handicap is not their world, if they ever entered in, they would never be the same, I can guarantee.

As far as titling this post, let me explain...enjoying a smile from my son is not a common occurrence, he sorta kinda smiles, his lip curls in such a way and I know that he is happy, but to others it doesn't look like much. But let me tell you of an amazing GIFT God chose to give me through my son...I saw connection, I saw PURPOSE in a smile he gave me on Monday. It took my breath away...when arriving at therapy, a place he usually enjoys due to therapists who adore him, he gave me a HUGE smile, teeth showing and all and then again, when we were leaving, he SMILED a huge smile again, it was amazing, I tickled him and he totally responded with a SMILE, certainly was in relation to me playing with him...it was a gift, it was a miracle, a boy who would be a "nothing" to the doctors, is a SOMETHING in my eyes. He is special and I KNOW God is not done with him....this was a boost to my mommy heart, who struggles from time to time wondering how much my son understands.

This was an early Christmas gift and I definitely won't need a gift receipt for this one, nope, this gift is forever in my heart.

A big brother....again

I know it has been a while since my mommy has posted anything here on my blog...she has been a little busy with my new brother, Boston Jude. I asked her to post a picture of me and him, so here we are when he was first born...I love him so much!!!

Ezra's Mornings...

I thought I would give you a step by step of how a morning for our Ez Man takes place...so welcome to his world and his morning routine!
This is also a way to journal how he eats right now presently in his life...our prayer is that he will chow down on waffles like the rest of us, but until he has that ability, we are so thankful for his feeding pump, which can be unattached from the pole and brought with him everywhere, it has a ice pack tucked inside it to keep it cool and fresh...I call it his "friend".... :)


Here is a picture of everything Ezzy eats all day long.


Here is a picture of his morning nutrients and vitamins added to his PediaSure formula.


Here I am priming his feeding pump, which means getting it ready :) Doesn't he look ready to eat?


Here I am opening a new syringe, (love new ones :)I get new syringes, feeding tube,and new feeding bags once a month) to draw out his morning medicines. He gets the same ones at night too.


Giving him his meds.


Feeding pump going, dry diaper, all tucked in, music on...ready to rest and eat while the loud crazy kids are eating in the kitchen :) He joins us during meals, but for breakfast, we keep it low key for him...until little brother starts climbing up his railings to visit him...Owen is still too short, but sure does try :) I find the girls in there with him, reading to him and re-arranging his bed...Ellie tells me, so there is more room :)

Time for a Mickey change...

A day in the life of Ez Man...here I am changing his Mickey G-Tube Button, which is the life saving invention that aids in the way that Ezzy eats.
Promise, there is no blood, but may be a bit much for some :) We are just used to "Mickey Land" here at the Borbe house!

cry ezzy, cry!!!!

little brother...

My heart is so blessed to see the blossoming brotherhood between Ezra and Owen...as with all our children, we make an extra effort to point out Ezra's needs to be hugged, kissed, and talked to by his siblings...we encourage the girls to love on him and say things to him, and then when they do it on their own, my heart melts...I believe it is a taught and also "caught" heart towards him that they learn, by way of watching us his parents and then by us teaching them about his awareness and need for love and snuggles...my prayer is that they grow up to be sensitive to those that long to be loved and just can't express their longings on their own...even many adults have not yet mastered this choice to love those that are not the "norm"...but education is what I am all about, educating those that come in contact with Ezzy, that he is a precious little soul, desiring some loving! :) Anyways, I could obviously go off about all I have to say in regards to people and what I am learning...but I'll save that for another day.

Back to the brotherly love...well, the other night after dinner, Owen was buzzing around in the boy's room, playing with toys...I brought in Ez Man to rock on his Rockin' Rody horse, Owen got all excited and came right over, and started to rock and bounce Ezzy...we then moved our playing to the floor, where I put Ezzy in a bumbo seat, great for him and his need to have a high supporting back, Owen went over to their toy basket and brought him a toy and then brought him a book...all the while smiling, like he was so excited to have a buddy to play with :) He leaned in and kissed Ezzy on the head, talk about a precious moment...I pray daily that the Lord would give me wisdom as I raise Ezra in the midst of his siblings, that I will take every opportunity to teach them about the goodness of God in his life and the blessing he is to our family. My prayer for our two sons is that Owen will grow up to love his brother and be the one to "push" him around in his seat, while playing some b-ball...that Owen will be his "arms and legs" and take on the role of his brother in a whole new way...only designed by our great God...one day I was talking with my mom and was feeling a bit "overwhelmed" with the task of raising Owen to love his brother and choose him for a playmate...I can't make that choice for any of our children...I can only pray and teach the importance to them as often as I can...my precious mom, reassured my heart and told me that I will do the same that we have done with the girls...include Ezra in their world and that Owen growing up in the midst of this family, will take on a love and care for Ezra...it was a blessing to hear these words, as she knows my heart and the burden I feel for all our children to "mesh" and be future friends...as I believe all parents desire for their children, to be adult friends and to care for each other...I guess what I am trying to say, in a jumble of words, I NEED God's wisdom in teaching my children to have a heart towards the needs of their brother...I was blessed to see the blossoming relationship between Ezra and Owen and consider it a nugget of strength to tuck away in my heart as I continue on in the journey of raising my children....

Thank you Lord for the blessing of actions brought on by the wisdom you give me in teaching my children...help me as I seek to raise loving, sensitive children who see a need and lovingly act upon it...thank you for opportunities daily in molding their character, may YOU be the fuel that pushes them to love from a pure heart and act from that love for others...I love you and thank you for the "teaching tool" you have blessed me with in the life of our sweet Ezra...only YOU know the countless lessons he has taught me...I am forever humbled and honored.